A Stupid Idea...

...feels even stupider when you get on the scale the morning after eating nothing but bland vegetables and fruit all day and realizing that the stupid plan you thought was so great did nothing but help you GAIN THAT STUPID POUND BACK THAT YOU KEEP GAINING AND LOSING OVER AND OVER.

But I have some kick-ass willpower, I will give me that. We ordered Pizza Hut today, had my two favorites - cheese pizza and cheesesticks. I had a big yummy salad and the cheese off of one slice of pizza. That's it. Oh, and I made apple juice for the kids...but I had ice water.

I'm really trying to believe in the whole "getting out of it what I put in" philosophy, and hoping that if I just stick with the plan, and eat what I'm supposed to, it'll start paying off. So far, I could hope in one hand and ...you know....OK, let me use better words...

So far, I'm just STUCK at 179. Yes, fine - I weigh 179, that's what I weigh. Frankly I'm sick of alluding to my weight and not using numbers anyway, so now you know. It's not like it's a secret that I'm the fat sister. If you've seen me, you know I'm overweight. Knowing the number doesn't change anything, does it? And this is less than I weighed when I got pg. with JTC, and less than I weighed at my first prenatal appt. with SKC. So I'm actually at a "pre-pregnancy weight"...but I am still 40 pounds heavier than when Greg and I started dating. How depressing is THAT? But it's actually kind of liberating to share with you all. Forty pounds. Samantha plus five. That's what I've gained in 9 years. Scary. But! I am "only" 26 pounds heavier than the day Greg and I married, and I looked GREAT then. Size 8, baby. So I'd settle for losing 20 or 30, but 40 would be dandier.

Hell, at this rate I'd settle for 5...or 2 or 3...somebody send me some "skinny vibes", wouldja? Thanks.