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    Wednesday, August 22, 2007

    Sappy Thought for the Day

    This came together as a thought for me today, and it is SO very true, so I'm sharing it.

    No one who has lived without sadness can truly appreciate joy to its fullest; so rejoice for the moments you have suffered, for they are the true magnifiers of the most beautiful moments in life.

    Guess that oughta make me more able to appreciate joy than anyone I've ever known. I kid, I kid...kind of...

    Friday, August 17, 2007

    Jackson's A Big Boy!

    His birthday starts in 20 minutes. Seems impossible that he can be one already. This year has FLOWN by!

    He is such a sweet boy. I love his funny laughs (he has several), his piercing blue eyes, his curious mind, his fiery temper and his fat little feet. He is both like his darling sister, and NOT like her, in many ways, as silly as that sounds. Both of my kids have filled holes in my heart that I didn't know existed before they came to be with us. God surely knew how much we needed angels to be around us in the flesh when He chose us for them.

    I wonder, especially on days like this, how it is that parents are ever able to reconcile themselves to having their children grow and leave them. The thought of it terrifies me beyond words - that someday these children will leave our home, without me or Daddy, and will go out on their own, with no obligation or reason to come back unless they so desire. And how will I know they are OK? Who will keep them safe? Who will protect them? How can I go in during the nights and stroke their brows, or touch their cheeks, and whisper "momma loves you" in their ears? How can this overflowing love that threatens to split the very seams of my heart be content with with "Call me honey!"..."Yeah, Mom, I will."...How will I wait for that call?

    If my mother loves me half as much as I love my kids, I have no idea how she watched me walk out the door, with no way of knowing that I'd be safe, that I'd be loved, that I would be taken care of or that I would be able to care for others. So many questions with NO readily available answers for them. How can we endure it? How can I be expected to someday take a back seat to someone else who will inevitably say they love my son or my daughter "more than anyone else in the world does". That will NEVER be true as long as I have breath in my body, but someday I will be nowhere CLOSE to the center of their universe the way I am now. And someday I'll seem silly and out-of-touch, and SO not cool, and they will roll their eyes when I call or knock on their door. I feel weak thinking about it. These children, who now adore me, who depend on me to know what their day holds, who cling to me and beg to be with me - someday they will whine about having to ride in the same car with me. They will sit like a blob in their chair at dinner until I finally excuse them and they snidely murmur "THANK you!" as they get on the phone to talk to the people they LIKE talking to, one of which I will no longer be.

    Tears come as I ponder these future realities. I feel lost and betrayed already, and I DEEPLY fear what kind of mother to adult children I will be. God help my daughter-in-law and son-in-law to be ~ I'm pretty sure they won't be good enough, whoever they are.

    I understand my MIL and FIL better all the time. How they sit there in that house together, with no way of knowing what is going on with their boys beyond what we choose to share with them is beyond me. It becomes easier and easier to understand their need to call, to check in, to know we got home alright...because I see myself fighting the urge to make the same calls to Samantha and Jackson some day.

    But not today. For now, they sleep in OUR house, and when we let them, in OUR bed. Right now there is NO place that either of them would rather be. The sound of their slow even breaths in the night, the feeling of peace as they snuggle in closer, one on each side, is one I will carry with me as long as I live. Maybe that's what carries us after they leave...the memories of our babies sleeping next to us, content to cocoon themselves in our blankets and our love, for just a little while, until the world calls them away - to go out and find their own place, and to someday cherish and become entranced by their own babies, and ponder what they never could have pondered before those babies came to be.

    Happy birthday, my dear sweet Jackson. I told your Daddy I would never love any man but him ever again. You made a liar out of me, and neither one of us minds a bit. Momma loves you.

    Thursday, August 16, 2007


    They're everywhere! My little sister called me this morning, she's nasty sick with the stomach flu, both ends, for days now. YUCK. My brother apparently has tonsillitis again. My grandmother had a mastectomy this morning - it's her third bout with cancer. Crappy deal.

    What's with all the sicky germs around here? It's summer for cripe's sake! NO FUN. Let's just hope everyone leaves their sicky germs at home and doesn't give them to us! We've had enough of that stuff this year already, and we have a trip coming up, that will NOT be fun if we have the stomach flu. So fingers crossed that we all stay healthy!

    Wednesday, August 15, 2007

    Random Ramblings Again...

    So I started a previous post on August 2 (apparently) and published tonight, and it stuck it down read below the post below THIS one and you'll see it..."rollercoaster"...

    We met Lawson tonight, he is the new baby of our friends and he is ADORABLE. So cute, and so little (not THAT little, but in comparison to Chubbo over here, you know what I mean...), and we had dinner together and the big kids got to play and have a blast. Samantha is PASSED OUT, and Jackson didn't make it home, he crashed about 4 blocks after we left. So THANKS to Lawson's family for a GREAT time tonight, we had a REALLY fun night! Let's do it again soon!

    This rain is nuts around here. It didn't rain for crap for weeks and weeks, and now it won't stop! The lawn looks great, which is great, but it's tough to MOW it when it won't stop raining! Oh, well, in three months I'll be bitching about the snow, so I guess I'll take the rain and shut up about it.

    I should be in bed but I haven't blogged for so long that I wanted to touch base and let everyone know I am NOT giving up on the BLOG, just REALLY busy. The "help" I was supposed to have last week turned out to be, uh NOT much help, but I am trying to make better use of my time, "help" in-house or not. Too much to do for me to NOT get some stuff done every day.

    Tonight is the 30th anniversary of Elvis' death? Guess I knew that, but don't think much about it either way. I was three when he died. I have just small memory glimpses of my mom being upset and cutting the newspaper clipping out. We still have it somewhere in a photo album. Maybe I don't remember it, but I have seen the clipping so many times that I THINK I remember it. But I swear I remember the livingroom in the basement of our house I grew up in, and the sun was shining in, and mom was crying b/c he was dead. Weird.

    Looking forward to our upcoming trip to Iowa, and it'll be here SOON! To my dear friend the bride...keep breathing, dear, and remember what we talked about when it was NOT two weeks away: DO NOT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF. If it won't matter in five years, don't let it stress you out. I wish I had taken my own advice when I got married. Both times. But especially the second time - I mostly could give a fat crap about what happened the first time around. Gross. Just got a shiver thinking about that. It is my lifetime "What were you THINKING???" moment, the whole four years! The divorce was the best (and most expensive) thing EX-H ever gave me. Thank GOD for small favors.

    Well THAT was a nice little birdwalk, wasn't it? Anyway, just a virtual-hug from me to you, and remember that in a month, it'll all be over. And you'll be Mrs McB. Lovin' me now, arent' cha?

    Let's see, what else? Anyone come up with a real children's book publisher yet? No? Yeah, me neither. LOTS of "let us publish your book for the low, low price of..." stuff online, but I'm pretty sure they're supposed to pay me, and NOT the other way around. Unless of course the children's book sucks. Then I'm screwed. But I don't think it does.

    Not much new going on, otherwise, other than the HUGE list of things I have to get done. Tomorrow is "birthday cake day". Gotta get that worked out. Time is running out!

    I'll post again ASAP, but the next few days are hectic, so bear with me, drop me a line, and I'll be back on soon! MWAH.

    Wednesday, August 8, 2007

    Sneaking Around

    Ok, so I'm just sneaking around behind my OWN back, because technically I'm NOT supposed to be on here this week, I'm supposed to be on hiatus from the web, but those on my message boards already know I've been popping on periodically. So while I'm cheating on myself, I thought I'd post a quick spot on here today.

    My niece is here this week, she's 15. She is taking a photography class at the zoo every morning M-TH from 9-12, which I get her to and from, and then she is supposed to be helping me with the kids the rest of the day so I can get my looooong list of projects done that I never seem to accomplish. Well...she's helping some, and let's just leave it at that. I have gotten some things done that I needed to get done, and that's what counts.

    Big hot news in my kitchen, by the way...remember I said we needed a free, nice dishwasher? As you ask, so also shall you receive! We got a Whirlpool Quiet Wash Plus off of craigslist for FREE! Greg installed it this weekend, and I almost cry every time I load the dishwasher! I've been doing dishes by hand so long I almost forgot how much LESS time it takes to load the dishwasher than it does to wash by hand. VERY cool, and VERY exciting. Which is how you can tell I'm a housewife!

    Other than that, not much new. Got a hot bach party to go to this weekend, that'll be awesome, and a b-day party in Lincoln for sweet baby William. Hope the rest of your week is good, and I hope you don't see me on here anymore this week. But if you do, don't tell me that you saw me, OK? It'll be our little secret...

    Thursday, August 2, 2007

    The Rollercoaster Begins

    We've been 'tick-tick-tick-tick-tick'-ing up the first segment of our calendar-of- events-rollercoaster, and now we're hitting the first loop and drop. LOTS of fun stuff coming up, but the "lots" part is what makes it feel a little chaotic. And I'm sure to some who are used to "going" all the time, I probably sound stupid (I get the feeling people think that about me anyway...that's another blog, though...), but we have a busy month for us. And that would all be well and good had I done all of the planning I should have done at this point.

    So, in NO particular order, here's some of the crap I need to get done.

    • Prep for Jackson's party on Sunday. That's a list in itself.

    • Get stuff ready for Jackson's "other" party the day before.

    • Start packing for trip to Iowa.

    • Work on getting my house clean enough (and private stuff put away enough) for my sister, et al. to come stay here while we are in Iowa.

    • Plant flowers sitting on my porch that Greg will strangle me over if they die before I get them planted. I already lost one out back and he said I was cut off from buying any more. Boo on him.

    • Clean out closets and storage. There is not nearly enough room to put shit away in this house for item 3 above unless I get rid of some shit. And Greg needs to be working on the garage, too, because DAMN. We have too much crap. Serious.

    • Spend several hours outside evening out my shoulders which have tan lines on them, and also a peeling sunburn, before I have to wear a strapless gown in two weeks.

    • Find a slip for Samantha for underneath her FG dress. Have you tried to find a 3t slip lately? Go ahead, try. I'll wait. No, I won't.

    • Work on a project to be named after I copyright and/or patent it, which will never happen if I don't get the protoype made and see if it actually works or not. Curious? More to come in the future...

    • Laundry...always laundry...

    So I am hanging on tight, because the ride is about to begin, and I should have been making sure the bar was tight and my palms weren't sweaty all the way up to the top, because now I am NOT feeling like I have a good grip or a good seat, and I sure hope I don't crash and burn on the way down!