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    Sunday, July 29, 2007

    Sunday Ramblings

    Today we're going with the ILs to have buffet for Greg's birthday (that was last Wed. for those who don't know). So naturally, just to make sure I COMPLETELY overeat today, I asked Greg to go get Taco Bell this morning! Hey, the scale was down two pounds, so I have leeway, right? We really ARE out of soda, and my caffeine addiction DID need a Dr Pepper, but breakfast tacos just sounded (and were) tooooooo good to pass up. Especially that one with guac and bacon on it....if you haven't had Taco Bell for breakfast, give it a go, seriously.

    I'm wearing a new shirt today, purchased with an Old Navy gift card that I got with my "Club Mom" points that I earned as part of my contract when I wrote for them for a year. Felt good to A) pay for something with "money" that I earned for once, and B) to splurge and pay full price for a shirt for me, just because I liked it. Can't remember the last time I did that. It was $14.50, NOT clearance, and it felt like a TOTAL indulgence. The last two new shirts I bought were on sale at Walmart for $4 each. But this new cute stripey polo is way cute, and I even bought myself white capris (in size 12, thankyouverymuch!), but those will stay home today, I'll wear jean capris instead. Remember I said we're eating buffet, so the chances of white pants surviving a trip to the buffet with two kids in tow - not great. The pants I'll save for our trip to Iowa (Aimee, be impressed that I am stockpiling new clothing to come to fabulous Downtown Waterloo, Iowa!) that we'll make on Labor Day weekend!

    Anyway, the recent clothing purchases have me thinking - I miss contributing to our family financially. I know I'm contributing in every other way and those ways are equally important, and I know that in Greg's heart, it's all "our money", but anyone who is a SAHM understands what I'm saying, I think. I feel bad buying clothes for me to wear to ... go to the store, or the zoo, or to stay home in, when I'm buying them with money that Greg busted his ASS to earn for us (esp. when I look at our debt). And very seldom do I buy myself clothes, etc., for that very reason - it seems silly to buy myself new clothes unless it's something I REALLY need. The kids obviously need new clothes on a regular basis, weeds that they are, so that's different. But using that gift card was liberating for me. That was money that I earned, not that I made it possible for Greg to earn. Money that my skills brought into our home. And I liked that feeling. Greg does not keep track of, or care, what I buy for myself (not that I buy that much, but he never bats an eye when I do), so it's not that I couldn't have bought the clothes with "our" money. But I never would have - not at "full price", anyway.

    So I really would love to find a way to contribute financially on a regular basis, even if it's just for extras like a new shirt and capris once in a while. Gee, am I the first SAHM to say that? No? LOL. But I did say that one of the points of this BLOG was to start figuring out what my life outside of my role as "mom" would be. Sooo.

    Let's see...I have a children's book written, sitting in a file for years now...wonder if anyone knows a fabulous legitimate children's publisher who'd want to take a look at it (uh, that's a hint if anyone actually DOES)...or I could pimp myself out to write complaint letters for people - that's one of my favorite things to do anyway! Ooh - I should write a book about what NOT to put up with! How 'bout that? I could focus it on marriage, maybe, since everyone says mine is perfect, right? And tell women what crap they shouldn't put up with from their husbands? Right? I could call it "Some Husbands Don't Like Me...But The Ones Who Do Are Worth Keeping!" ROTF, I think I'm babbling now...

    I could go back to school. I've long considered psychology, but I don't know if I could really help people. Maybe it would make a difference if someone was paying me, but no one ever seems to take my advice now! (If you do take my advice, I'm not talking to you, don't get all worked up, OK?) Mostly I'm referring to, uh, one or more of my SIBLINGS who figuratively, repeatedly shoot themselves in the foot and then wonder why, when all the while I've been screaming "GET YOUR FOOT OUT OF THE WAY!!!". This has been going on for YEARS, love them all as I do, and it feels really pointless anymore! Oy. So maybe not psychology? Who knows.

    Wedding consultant. I'd love to do that, too. I LOVE planning weddings! I've done two of my own, havent' I? Doesn't that make me almost a pro? Right?

    There's always eBay, I've sold stuff on there, but it's a LOT of damn work and there's no guarantee of any ROI.

    OK, gotta get moving while Jackson is still sleeping. GAAAAAWD he was a grump-ass this morning. I think he's working on teeth, so I drugged him and nursed him to sleep, which violates my "no nursing during the day" policy, but at the point he was at, I'd have done anything to get him to sleep, he was PISSY. Samantha and Daddy are nuggling and watching a movie, and my hair has dried while I'm doing this. So I'm off to get the water bottle, wet it down, blow dry it like it's supposed to be, and move on with the day.

    Happy Sunday, all - don't forget to let me know you were here and say "hey", ok? And if anyone knows that publisher, let me know...thanks!

    Monday, July 23, 2007

    Surprise In A Can

    Imagine Greg's shock and heeby-jeebyness when he took some trash out yesterday, looked into the empty can and saw THIS:


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    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

    ...and they were still there when we got home. The Humane Society said they like to sleep in trash cans, and they tear up trash to get at the bugs that get in trash outside. I would like to add a disclaimer that this crappy old trash can is not ours in origin, it was left by the previous owners and we keep it out there as a spare...

    So they had to go...

    Never boring at our house...but I guess I'm glad this is the biggest drama we have around here!

    Sunday, July 22, 2007

    Need to be sleeping

    ...right now anyway. But more than that, what I REALLY need is to be busy this week, so hopefully you won't see me on here much! LOTS to do. I am taking on the laundry bitch head-on. She is going down. And then I'm tackling that storage room past the laundry room. I know there's some shit in there I've been looking for. AND some shit that needs to go. And this week I'm getting to it.

    Greg's 34th birthday is Wednesday, and since we have a sitter we'll be going to dinner sans children, at Famous Dave's, per Greg's request. It's about his favorite place to go, that's for sure. I think I'll eat light this week until then so I can pig out there. Great plan, huh? Yeah, I'm a food genius. Yeah right. That's why I'm a fatty patty.

    But other than Greg's birthday (which is one of my favorite days of the year) there's not much going on around here, and that's fine with me for once. Outside is a mess - I have branches to bundle, and more to cut out of the lilac bush in the back. I have landscaping tarp to replace, and some new to plot out and lay, and watering and trimming and planting to do, and it's too stinking hot to be out there doing it. But I'll have to suck it up and do it soon, anyway. The yard looks like CRAP! It's bad enough the damn grass is dying from the lack of rain, but everything else is crappy, too! Gotta get on that.

    Speaking of outside, we had two furry visitors today at our house. More on those later. Nighty night, all. And Happy Monday!

    Just a Sunday....

    ...and that's OK for once. Little sis and her family were here overnight, we had a nice visit. The kids have fun together but get less patient as the visit goes on, but they always forget that by the time it's time to see each other again. Samantha said she wanted the kids to "stay with us forever"...

    Soooo, what's up in Cathy's World today?

    I need to get out and do some yardwork, but it's damn hot again. Blech. Maybe later on today...or maybe not...

    Jackson climbed up four steps today, I was stunned and called for Daddy to come share the moment. Fortunately Jackson thought that was high enough, too, and crawled back down. I am NOT ready for him to be doing that yet - I have a hard enough time keeping track of him on ONE level of the house. He, however, doesn't seem to give a fat crap what Mommy is ready for. Mommy is also ready to sleep all night think he gives one rip about that, either? No.

    My Google Analytics is finally giving me reports so I can see how many visitors I'm getting, which is kind of cool...not anything too specific, unfortunately for me (and fortunately for those of you who lurk, whose eyes I also appreciate on my pages...your anonymity is safe), but it's nice to know that I'm not just talking to myself. Well, I DO talk to myself, but that's another story. I would however, LOVE to have you leave a comment, if you don't already, so I know who is reading! Unless you're just gonna call me a bitch or something...I already know that. Dealt with it, fine with it, over it. I don't see that changing any time soon.

    What else...I did start an honest-to-goodness handwritten journal, which grows by several pages a day. As a writer, it's an intersting experience to write something that no one else (presumably) will ever read. How you express thoughts, feelings, how you refer to people and places is different, and the more you do it, the more it becomes akin to your own thought process rather than a writing that would even be INTENDED for anyone else to read. And looking back at the previous days' words is like having a snapshot of how my day was that day. Interesting.

    It's not that they are even things I wouldn't want to share with you, my loyal readers...sometimes it's just random thoughts about my day, my kids, or whatever...and sometimes it's a much-needed private kick in the pants from me to me. I could do that here, but you are all so wonderful about encouraging me, and uplifting me, and while I need/crave/desire/look for that from you, sometimes I need to take myself out behind the woodshed and NOT get let off the hook until I fix my attitude. Sometimes I need my mental ass kicked. And sometimes I'm just the guy to do that.

    Samantha is lounging in an afternoon tub, her frogs and duckies a-flashing and a-floating, although flashing more dimly all the time (big thanks to Kae for the best bath toys EVER!). Now I hear the water draining, so Daddy must be getting her out. That means my quiet time is about over for now...later today we're going to Big Lots for the "Buzz Club Friends and Family Night" which gets us 20% off Big Lots already-incredibly low prices! We ARE a Big Lots family, I'll say it out loud, fuck it. I like a bargain, and Big Lots is chock-full of it "chock-full" or chocked-full"? Hmmm, have to look that up now...unless Deb already knows, which she probably does, and then she can post and tell me...

    Yep, now I have a nuggly Samantha bear on my lap in a towel, ready for her snack time. Snack doesn't sound half bad...

    Wishing you a great Sunday and an even-better week to come...

    Wednesday, July 18, 2007

    Gosh, Isn't Once a Decade Often Enough?

    Apparently not. It's rather embarassing and speaks to what piss-poor care I take of myself, but I do not remember the last time I was at the dentist. I am fairly sure I was still in my house on 20th St, so that means at least 9, and more likely, 10 years ago was the last time anyone other than my children stuck their fingers in my mouth. And now the time as come to pay the drill-weilding piper. And he WILL be coming at me with a drill, no doubt.

    I least...two, maybe three cavities, that I can be SURE of. Probably more, I have horrible enamel on my teeth, since childhood I've been told I just don't have good enamel. One of them is a tooth that's a baby tooth (yes, a baby tooth) that's already been filled once, so who knows what they'll do with it now.

    And the REALLY good news is that #1) I don't HAVE a dentist here in Omaha, and #2) of the THIRTEEN dentists' offices in Omaha that I have called, NONE can see me any time soon. So now I get to suffer until I can do this crap-shoot known as picking a dentist...

    It's a good thing I take better care of my kids than I do myself, or I'd get them taken away from me. Gotta run...

    Scroll Down...

    ...all the way down, for photo montages of both of the kids...I LOVE, I'm having a blast doing go down there and check 'em know you want to...turn on your sound!

    Tuesday, July 17, 2007


    "Caillou" just started. Can I contain my newly-found good mood despite this fingernail down the blackboard of my day? Maybe I'll see if I can sell her on "Signing Time" instead....cross your fingers and wish me luck! Otherwise, it's THIS for half an hour...

    Bald little freak. Maybe I'll just assert my Mom-status and shut off the TV! Gee, there's a thought, huh?

    OK, I'm editing, because for some reason I feel the need to justify my growing dislike for this annoying little four-year old.

    #1: His parents are ENTIRELY too patient and level-headed, and frankly, I don't need the bar set that high in Samantha's head (why? see yesterday's BLOG...I'm fairly sure Caillou's Mommy never blogs about such a shitty day).

    #2: He throws tantrums that Samantha then tries to mimic, and SHE does not need the inspiration.

    #3: The sound of his voice makes the hair on my neck stand up.

    #4: The narrator always tells what Caillou is thinking, feeling, wanting, not wanting, needing, not needing, etc., etc., ad infinitum...I'd like to smack her, too.

    #5: They have a cat for a pet, and I know it's just a matter of time before the kids want a cat too, and that just ain't happenin', folks. Even if Daddy was NOT severely allergic, the only "cat" who will EVER be in my house again, is, well, THIS one.

    I'm sure I can come up with other reasons, and when I do, you'll be the first to know.

    So Far, Tuesday's Better...

    ...but it's early, you know! Ha ha...let's hope today brings better things and better attitudes for me and those who have to put up with my grumpy ass.

    The kids are eating breakfast while I type and eat my granola bar and Diet Cherry Pepsi. I am setting up my day in my head, most of which consists of laundry, going out to water my newly-transplanted hostas that I got from the IL's, more laundry, trying to think of what to get Greg for his birthday next week (ideas welcome), cleaning my kitchen, waiting for my grocery delivery to show up ( for those in my area, it's great for those things you forgot or ran out of before your next shopping trip), and planning my meals for the rest of the week (which I should have done Sunday had it not sucked so bad).

    There seems to be some type of funk going around - everyone on Jackson's birth board seems to be fighting off some crud for them and/or their kids, and it's the same here. Samantha had a high fever, a trip to Dr Jane's and a case of viral tonsillitis last week, and it seems to have morphed into some type of cold for me, and I have consequently been blowing my nose non-stop since yesterday. Nice. Cuz you know, it's been at least a month since I had a cold, so I was due, right? Sucky deal. I just hope the boys both get to skip this one. I'm tired of feeling crappy or watching someone else feel crappy! And now that I think of it, Mom said my sister is sick, too. What is this summer flu crap all over the place???

    OK, enough whining about colds and flus. I am desperately trying to recharge my spirit/brain/attitude, and so I'd better get busy finding a way to do that. Maybe a nap? No, only been up an hour, a nap seems silly, and good luck getting the kids to go along...maybe re-think the meditation/prayer thing, although I'd need a pretty good kids' movie to get my kids enraptured enough to get to go meditate for any length of time. That, and I can never shut my brain off long enough to get to any sort of relaxed state. I've tried. Yoga? My older sister swears by it...but then again, my older sister is 5'9" and 135 pounds, so twisting herself into a pretzel is probably no sweat for her skinny butt. For me it's like trying to do origami....with bed pillows.

    Oh, well....maybe I'll just continue with laundry therapy. That, and getting to look into the eyes of the two most beautiful kids ever conceived all day long. (Hey, everyone who's ever met my kids can't be wrong!) Yep, I'd say today's a better day. Hope yours is too!

    Monday, July 16, 2007

    Momma Blew It Today

    As my good friend Aimee says..."Ugh. You don't even know..." That's alright, stick around and I'll tell ya, and then you'll know. Oh, caution...profanity may follow. Some days if I don't swear I think I'll blow up. This was one of them.

    Well, Sunday was no better than Saturday, and in some ways it was worse, but I don't even want to talk about it. Suffice it to say that there's a reason we moved two hours away from our hometown, and I don't need to go back any time soon. I'm sure we will, but I don't need to.

    Actually I DO need to, because the chicken we bought in bulk, that was the whole reason we WENT, got left behind in Mom's freezer, dammit...

    The aforementioned crappy weekend apparently left me feeling drained and more pissy than when I started. I was NOT a great mom today, and a bitchy wife at best, I'd guess. Greg went to bed without saying a word to me, and I can't say that I blame him. I'd like to give myself a boot in the tambourine for my crappy-ass attitude today.

    I was short with Samantha all day, and even Jackson (as much as you can be "short" with someone who can't talk to you), and I didn't get a damn thing accomplished around here. I didn't even make supper, we had Sonic (no, not McDonald's, thank you very much). I did two whole loads of laundry...sort of...they are still in the washer and dryer, so that's not really "done", is it? I didn't feel like playing, or doing match flashcards, or playing peeks, coloring, or watching Caillou...OK so I NEVER feel like watching Caillou, but today I wanted to throw the freaking TV out the window when I heard "I'm just a kid who's four, each day I grow some more, I like exploring, I'm Caaaaaillou..."

    I hated how I felt about myself today, and I don't say that often. I was super-pissy and whiny and NOT any fun to be around. I caught a glimpse of myself in the bathroom mirror when Samantha was brushing teeth, and was NOT amused at the grimace I know all-too-well. I could hardly even make my eyebrows NOT be down low in a grumpy grimacing position.

    I kept stopping myself and hugging the kids throughout the day, when I felt like screaming. Mostly because it wasn't their fault - Momma was just being an asshole today. When I tucked Samantha in, I tried to explain to her that even when Momma has bad days, I still love her SO much, she's still my best girl, and I still think she's smart, funny, pretty, nice, etc.... She seemed to believe me and almost seemed a little bit relieved that I said that to her. What did I read somewhere about how we talk to our kids?...the gist is that to avoid having a negative impact on their self-esteem, you must provide TWELVE positive statements for every single negative one. That's a tall order, especially when you're as crabby as I was today. I do NOT think I came out ahead, or even "even", today.

    I always swore I wouldn't take my bad days out on my kids. I remember how that felt, and how unimportant and how unvalued I felt when I knew Mom was having a bad day, and I KNEW I was a pain in her ass, an irritation to her, and I don't EVER want my kids to feel that way. Don't misunderstand me, I couldn't have lived my Mom's life for five minutes, and if I'd have been married to my Dad, he'd have been a dead man years ago, so what is a "bad day" to me is NOTHING compared to the hell that Mom lived through. But I didn't know what she was living through at the time, and I still felt like I was in the way all the time. So just because my "bad day" is nothing hugely significant or deep-seeded does NOT mean my kids get that and won't feel unloved, in that moment anyway.

    Shitty. I think my feng-shui is jacked up or something, seriously. I bought "Feng-Shui for Dummies"...I started reading it, but I just can't make myself read all the little particulars about the Octagon that you're supposed to put in your yard to see if your front door is in the right place, or some shit. It's sitting here, staring at me. And the laundry is behind me, bitching at me again. I wonder what Feng-shui says about laundry piles shaped like ski-slopes?

    I need to go meditate or pray or have a drink or something. Maybe all three, but not necessarily in that order. Sometimes I really wish I was "a drinker". Ok, no I don't. That would be at the top of my list of things that would NOT help anything. Ask any of the countless addicts in my family and they'll tell you...

    Boy, this BLOG is a downer this week, huh? Sorry about that shit. I'll try to do better soon!

    Saturday, July 14, 2007

    Sucky Saturday

    Irritated. Annoyed. Irked. Aggravated. Overstimulated. Whatever.

    Some days, y'ever just wake up extra pissy? Nothing really wrong, no particular burr under my saddle, just feeling super grumpy. SUUUUUPER grumpy. Not that I wake up like Cinderella in the morning as it is, and the truest thing Greg ever said about me is that "she idles at pissy" (thus my use of the word "extra" above), but I just have the desire to hide in my closet all day today. The kids woke up fine, Samantha's feeling better today (she's been sick with tonsillitis), we had a great visit with our friend Jenny last night, Greg and I had some time together after the kids were in bed, and I slept why do I feel like someone's standing behind me flicking me on the back of my head, over and over? Grrr.

    Let's see, what's on the list of what could be bugging me? Hmmmm....

    Well, I don't have CRAP planned for Jackson's birthday yet, and it's coming. We're getting invites and info on other people's parties, and I have NO clue what we're doing for his.

    Laundry. It's sitting behind me in my laundry room, threatening to leak out into my office, as per usual. Never done. Never even CLOSE to done. Always bitching at me from the other room...I need to move my office further away from the laundry room so I can't hear it. Ok, ok, so I could actually DO it, but whatever...let's don't cloud the issue with facts, alright?

    Money. Why is there never enough? And why do we buy things we don't particularly need? And why do we shop for things we'll never use - no matter WHAT we try to convince ourselves of? ... and why is my son crawling around with his sister's underwear on his head? Hang on....

    OK, back. What else. My dogs. They stink and they make noise and they have made our oh-so-sub-standard-to-Jenny-replacement HATE us because she gets barked at all the time. And probably what irritates me the MOST about my dogs is, honestly ... that I feel the way I do about them. The "me" from before my kids whispers in the back of my head about how much I adored and fawned over my dogs before the kids were born. They were my pride and joy. I bawled like a baby when Jake was in the hospital, and when Greta had the stomach flu we took shifts sleeping on the linoleum floor in the kitchen with her all night long. We took their pictures for Christmas, and bought them Halloween costumes, and took them for car rides, and bought them treats. Now they get to go exactly NOWHERE because they shed all over my van, they stink, and they are such spazzes that I can't STAND taking them anywhere. And it's not fair to them. They love us all so much, even the kids, and they started their lives with us SO pampered, and now they get treated like, well, dogs. Makes me sad that I can't feel the way I felt about them back then. I still love them, and I'll be crushed in my heart when we lose them, but it's different now. It makes Greg sad, too, because his heart (which is infinitely bigger than mine, I'm else could he put up with me?) is still so full of love for them. He still rolls on the floor with them, lets them sneak into bed with us, runs with them, and sees the infinite cuteness that we both saw when they came to be ours. So I guess I probably mostly feel guilty because I used them as kid substitutes and now that I have the real thing, they have been knocked down the totem pole. Yeah, I'd say that's it.

    Oh, and what has happened to eBay? Seriously, it's hard to get anything for less than full retail on there anymore, and I'm sick of it!

    And, WHO, pray tell, told my son he could stand up and cruise and think about letting go and learn about balance? I am SURE there was no memo discussing that, and yet, there he is (now sans underwear hat) standing himself up at the chest freezer, which is MUCH taller than he, and grabbing the top.

    So I guess it could be any number of things that's bugging me. So never mind, I've got LOTS of things to be pissy about, and I seem to have identified them all.

    Gotta run. Samantha's upstairs finishing up her business in the bathroom and soon I'll hear "MOM - I need you to wipe me!" (although I'm not wanted in there beforehand because she "needs privacy"), and now Jackson is standing here grunting like mad, turning red, while he works on something else I'll get to wipe up here in just a minute. Add that to the marble-sized dried up dog turd that Samantha pointed out to me by the back door this morning, and I guess it's not so much a Sucky Saturday as it is a, well, a shitty one...ha ha...oh, great. Jackson just finished his business and then promptly plopped down on his butt. Can you say "squish"? Thank you, son.

    Oy. Hope your Saturday is more fun than mine!

    Thursday, July 12, 2007

    The Zoo 2007

    We LOVE the zoo. Omaha has a really, really great place in the Henry Dorly Zoo. We think so, so much that we have family membership, and we make good use of it. It's nice to be able to have somewhere fun to go that's "Free" for us to go at any time, and when people come into town it's our favorite place to go (or to send them to on their own, if say, the CWS is in town, haha...hey I DID get a refund for that class, by the way, which is part of why I'm back to singing their praises)...

    So we've gone several times this year, both with Barbie and Rowan for play dates, and for family days out with Daddy on the weekends. The kids both love the Shark Tunnel in the Aquarium, and all the fish, for that matter. Samantha and Daddy love to watch the penguins. Samantha is also obsessed with the alligator in "Kingdoms of the Night" who is missing a foot. Don't ask why, no one knows. Jackson loves the long walk between each area because he is a stroller-lovin' kid, and he thinks wind is like candy, constantly licking at it as we stroll along. Priceless!

    Here are some great zoo pics from our most recent outing...

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    It's nice to live in a city where we can just pick up and go do fun things like that. Columbus was such a barren, uneventful, fun-less crap hole, that I don't think I'll EVER take for granted living in a city that has such great summer days to offer in just a few minutes' driving time.