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    Friday, December 25, 2009

    White Christmas, Indeed

    If you're close to where we are, I hope you are snuggled in at home, safe and sound. This Christmas brought us the biggest storm in recent history, and we were forced to stay home and find new ways to celebrate the holiday. We wish you a Merry Christmas, and Happy (and less snowy) New Year!

    Friday, December 11, 2009

    It's a Good Thing I Didn't Order Life-Saving Medicine...

    ...through the MAIL this week.


    That's the last day I got any mail whatsoever.


    That's the day it stopped snowing.


    That's today - the FOURTH day with NO mail in my mailbox.

    And YES, I always get mail every day, with maybe one day out of 60 where we just genuinely have no mail. So it's not just a personal dry spell in mail. It's just a dry spell of mail carriers on my block, apparently.

    Seems that whole "...Neither rain nor hail nor sleet nor snow ..." thing went out the window at some point, huh.

    But hey, did you hear they are raising some of the postage rates again in January? So at least they're busy working on THAT. Not delivering MAIL, or anything, but hey, I saw their website. They are ON TOP of their next postage increase. Whew. Good to know.

    Oh, and they were ALSO on top of telling the news, basically, that it's too yucky for their trucks and vans, and if you don't get your mail, that's just too darn bad, pretty much.



    PS - While my street has been a mess, I'll confess, (inserted rhyme for you, no less...) the sidewalks have been clear since the day it stopped snowing. Our carriers walk to deliver. And I know it's cold, but're a MAIL CARRIER.

    Clothestastrophe, Segment 3: Just Because You're At A Graduation Doesn't Mean You Know Anything

    ...about anything, actually. But in this case, we're talking about clothes. And that lack of knowledge on one woman's part brings you another fabulous, fabulous clothestastrophe.

    You're gonna love this one. Trust me.

    We were standing outside an auditorium here in the Metro, the kids and I, waiting for Greg who was parking the van. When there, before me, was this fine lady, who showed up for this particular high school graduation dressed in her very best...uh...dress? If it has chains and strings of rhinestones actually built INTO the garment, is it still really a dress? Hmm. Not sure.

    Anyway, let's don't get distracted. Black. Rhinestones. Chains. Chainmail-ish in appearance. Seriously. And the shoe she chose to compliment this certainly-dressy-if-entirely-ridiculous outfit?

    Thongs, as we called them in my day. Flip-flops. But not just any flip-flop. Clear plastic high-heeled flop flops. The tops of them, and this is where I failed you in picture taking, were adorned with giant, 40 or so "carat" sized plastic rhinestones, with smaller sparkly stones down the sides of the strap over the tops of her feet. A truly Bedazzled piece of footwear.

    I really can't describe it with any measure of clarity so you can grasp the "eww" factor. I managed to capture the essence of the dress very well, but you only truly appreciate it if you take my word for it on the shoes - and my word is "hideous".

    You're just going to love it. At least I think you are. I hope you will. Without further ado...

    Thursday, December 10, 2009

    It's Not Really HELPFUL If It Doesn't HELP

    I generally have little need to be in public, and am happy at home. I don't generally feel stuck here, and can go days without needing to go out running around in the world full of weirdos out there (present readers excluded, of course...mostly....) Again, to be clear: I am happy at home.

    When I choose to be at home.

    I did not choose to be at home this week.


    The last time I left my property was Mon-day. It is now Thursday.

    But it stopped snowing more than a day ago, you guffaw at me. What the heck are you still doing at home?

    Oh, well, let me just clear that up for you.

    I get that we're not in the zip code that makes our streets a high priority. Clearly. They finally showed up after dark to start their first passes on our street. They're busy, whatever, I get it. I was just glad to see them come and get us OUT. They were there to help, right? Right.

    Uh, yeah, not so much "right".

    The city's "plow job" on our street did nothing more than cement my doom, and further exacerbate the state of being "snowed in" that's going on here at our happy little house.

    Geez, Cathy, you say, are you EVER happy? They showed up, didn't they? They made not one, but TWO passes, didn't they?

    Why yes, yes they did. They plowed the street twice. 2/3 of the street got a good going over. While they were on our street, they plowed a lot of snow.

    Guess where they plowed it TO?

    You guessed. My driveway, and aaaaallllll the way down my side of the street.

    First pass = up the middle. Great if you don't live on our street, and are just passing through. Happy for you.

    Second pass = north side of the street, to the curb. Good for Mr. I-Have-A-Plow-I-Won't-Use who lives across the street and all his neighbors on either side. Nice for you folks, isn't it?

    Third pass = Oh, yeah. Sorry, there was no third pass. That didn't do much for those of us who live on what is apparently the WRONG side of the street. We are just SOL, aren't we? (Mom always told me that meant "Stuck on a Limb" as a kid when she would use it...Mom fibbed.)

    See, here's where we screwed ourselves. We tried to be nice. Being the helpful, thoughtful citizens we are, we moved the usually-parked-on-the-street-pick-up into the driveway on Tuesday night so when Mr. Plow came through, he wouldn't have to go around the truck - he'd have a clear shot at getting us de-snowed clear up to our curb. What did that gain us? Oh, well I'd love to tell you. Wen they finally showed up to plow last night, they plowed it all so nicely...NOT to the curb, but rather to the 6-foot span of where we COULD park the truck ON the curb in order to get it back OUT of our driveway...if we could GET anything smaller than Greg's giant work van out of our driveway...which we can't.

    SO: driveway has snow at the end which will surely stop my van from leaving. Our truck, however, would keep me from even getting out of my garage anyway. And there's no place to park the truck (IF we could somehow float it out of the driveway and park it down the street), unless we go half way down the hill, practically out of sight of our house (which we don't feel so hot about doing in our little neck of heaven), because WE tried to help the SNOW PLOW do his job. He did NOT return the favor, no matter what he thinks he did.

    Look, before you comment about how I don't what it's like to do that job, and that I need to be patient, let me just say this: I'm sure it's a thankless job. I'm sure you've been working long hours all week. I'm sure it's exhausting and frustrating.


    I'm just sayin'.

    So, if you're a person out there with a snowplow and nothing to do*, know this: I will write you a check. Come to my house, plow out my driveway and the curb in front of my house, for REAL, and I will PAY YOU. JUST GET ME the HELL out of here.

    *Unless you're the guy across the street. You can bite me - you and your stupid truck WITH THE WORKING PLOW on the front of it has been taunting me from your driveway every time it's snowed since 2005. Got news for you, chief - it would not kill you to hop your lazy butt up in the truck and clear our damn street. You could have had the whole thing done 24 hours ago and just been a good neighbor for once - hell, we probably would have been glad to pay you, you'd have made a small fortune from all of us. Apparently somebody told you if you help someone your head will fall off. It won't, by the way. Just so you know. Get bent.

    Friday, December 4, 2009

    Clothestastrophe, Segment 2: Socks Are Never Sexy

    I mean, they're socks. Just not sexy, even under ideal circumstances. But hey, we wear them, you wear them, all God's children wear them. But they are just not all that sexy.

    Then again, there's "not sexy", and then there's "oh-so-very-not-not-not sexy". I had the, uh, opportunity to witness the latter this past spring. Sitting in McDonald's (shocking), when I saw it there across from me. It was coupled with, believe it or not, the ever-popular tennis shoes and capris.

    You heard me.

    I know, right? Could you ask for a better clothestastrophe? I think not. I just happened to have my camera on me that day, if only a cell camera.

    You are most welcome.

    Wednesday, December 2, 2009


    Really?? It's DECEMBER?? Where in the crap did THIS year go? It seems like I was just contemplating my 2009 "write it to myself in January and have it publish on NYE 09" post, which I never did, by the way, so don't wait around for THAT end-of-month. Guess I'll have to start contemplating one for 2010.

    WHICH I am not elated to have to write, by the way. "2010", that is. Why? Well, if you're writing "12/2/09" on your checks, paperwork, whatever, and the next year's short version starts with another "0", you've got that one number's time when writing to remember that it's a new year. With "10" coming up, no such luck. LOTS of "1"s squeezed in behind "0"s coming up, I'd bet.

    So, let's seeeeeeee, what completely random factoids can I share with you on this fine cold morning...

    * I am considering making the cookie bark again this year. It was pretty poplular last year, and they have the colored holiday Oreos again, so we may crack out the Wilton's bark and get to melting here soon.

    * My tree's been up since the Sunday before Thanksgiving. Sue me.

    * I am not on the "beach" right now, but am spending much time pondering how to drag myself back up out of the waters of junk food and lethargy.

    * My body is fundamentally displeased with NOT being on the "beach". It is sharing that with me on a regular and painful basis. Let's just leave it at that.

    * A while back, the kids ran across "Astro Boy: The Series", from the 80's, on Netflix Instant View, and it's been a fixation ever since. Had they their druthers, they'd sit and watch him all. day. long. They do NOT have their druthers, by the way, but they do get to watch a few times a week. They are now also dying to know when they'll get to see the movies.

    * I have exactly 2 gifts purchased for Christmas. Two.

    * The cold we have anxiously been hoping would not coming.

    * I consider and ruminate on new blog topics regularly, and seldom get them down on paper before they disappear.

    * I hope you'll check back on the off-chance that I happen to get one of them down on paper soon.