follow me on Twitter

    Tuesday, September 9, 2008

    She Would Be Proud of You

    I'm talking to all of you, who have held me up, supported me, checked on me, prayed with me and for me, and been there at the exact moment I needed you to be this week since Aimee left us. You, who picked up the phone when I called, or who called me to check in, who listened while I sobbed, and gave me your shoulder, kept me from going down a spiral of despair that I may not have been able to recover from. If you sent an email, posted on my threads, sent a myspace or facebook message; if you called, texted, or said a prayer for me - it mattered. Deb and Arun, Barbie, Lisa, Kae, Amanda, Suzi, Brian, Barbara, Crystal, Julia, Erinn, Erin, Jess, Carrie, Angie, Karrie, Nicole, Anastasia, Peg, Kristy, Darlena, and all of my message board friends - you gave me strength, and gave me a clear understanding of what absolutely incredible people I have in my life. I would not be where I am emotionally if not for your endless caring and concern. It's difficult for me to ask for help, but you didn't wait for me to ask, you were just there, whether you knew her or not, giving me what I needed, and carrying me through.

    Mom and Jan, who both stepped in and cradled our kids in your arms, and handled the home front so we could go to Iowa to say our goodbyes and be with Aimee's family - we are eternally grateful to you both. You gave us a gift unlike any other and made the most important part of our grieving process possible.

    Greg. Love, you know more than anyone what Aimee and I meant to each other, and how much she loved all four of us. It cuts so deeply for both of us, and our grief is heavy and thick as we face our life without her. I know that you hurt both because I hurt, and because you loved her, too. And I know you've been so worried and wanting me to be okay, and that makes my heart hurt even more; knowing that my pain flows into you makes it that much harder to endure. You have been steadfast in your love, your support and your willingness to do whatever I need, whenever I need it, and Aimee was no doubt looking down on you and wanting to put her arms around you as you grieved for what we've both lost in her passing. Thank you for being strong enough to hold me up, literally and figuratively, and still being tender enough to grieve with me; and thank you for loving me, and for loving her. She adored you, honey. Never forget that, and know that you being with me during this time has further reinforced every belief I have that I will be with you until my last breath. No road too long, my love.

    Aimee is watching us, I believe that. And she is exceedingly proud of how you have all come to my rescue, and loved me through this most painful loss, I know it in my heart.

    And so we go on, all of us, down this road which has turns we never could have seen coming. I am so deeply honored to be traveling it with you, and I love you all in the deep soft happy place in my heart, which is beginning to heal, little by little, because you have loved me.


    Uh, ETA: I still need you. I am not over this by a long shot, I should clarify that. So while I am all of the things I said above, I am still a wreck in many ways. So I'll need you to keep on pulling me through all of this, and I know you will. You're all cool like that. Thanks again.


    Kae said...

    I wish I could post something profound that would lift you up and help you through this hell you're in. But I can't see thru my tears to type - and I know there are no words that can ease your pain. I'm sorry that you lost such a treasured friend. I know she's watching over you though and I hope you can feel her arms around you as you weep. And if you can't feel hers, I know you can at least feel mine. Love you sweetie!!

    Anonymous said...

    Cathy, still thinking of you, and Aimee's family and other friends. I cannot imagine the grief you are all going through. Hugs and love from me, and let me know if there is anything you need!

    Missives From Suburbia said...

    We're always here.