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    Tuesday, April 28, 2009

    Look, I Know You're New Here

    Well, not all that new - you've lived across the street for nearly a year now, George, but you've just recently moved in and brought your family (including your dog). And you seem like a nice guy overall.

    But the dog is a problem. Actually the dog is not the problem. What you ALLOW the dog to do is the problem.

    I'm sorry the house you bought from Brian doesn't have a fenced yard. It's no surprise, the back yard slopes about 70 degrees straight down. And I'm sorry you seem to have an aversion to tie-downs. Really, I am. And I'm sorry you don't seem to want to walk the dog. Seriously so sorry.

    But if you don't stop letting your stupid dog run all over the neighborhood, including in my yard and up to my back fence, thereby sending my dogs into a frothy, barking fury at 7:30 in the morning, I'm going to start feeding him tainted meat when he comes over. I swear to god. Big, juicy chunks of tainted meat.



    OK, fine, I won't do that. (You people know me too well.)

    I will, however, call the city and report your stupid dog as at-large. So TIE him up, LOCK him up, or bring your ass outside and WALK him on a leash. We have a fucking leash law here in the Big O, asshat, and if I have to follow it, then so do you.

    Better yet, maybe I'll just let MY dogs come over and shit in YOUR yard and bark and wake YOU up.

    I'm glad we had this little talk. It's nice to have a plan of action.

    1 comment:

    Missives From Suburbia said...

    How about you take one of those garbage bags of poop and just unload it on his lawn one morning?