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    Thursday, August 28, 2008

    Projecting

    She is fine.

    I am nervous as hell.

    Preschool open house is TONIGHT.

    She is terribly excited, and giggles every time the topic comes up.

    I giggle along with her, and then go around the corner and fight the urge to throw up.

    What if there are nothing but snotty little mini-bitches in her class?

    On one hand, she may reject them and their evil ways. In which case they will torment, tease and harass her.

    OR, consider the other exciting super neato alternative - she embraces their budding mean girl attitudes and becomes one of them.

    And then I'll have to shoot myself.

    What if they pick on her ears? Or call her "albino" because she's fair-skinned? Or make fun of her for chewing her fingernails? What if they push her down and she can't hold back and she cries, and then they call her bawl-baby and tell her to run home to Mommy?

    And what happens when she DOES come home to Mommy, and Mommy commits multiple homicides on whoever made her baby cry?

    For this I'm paying $185 a month?

    I know, I know - she'll do great. She'll be fine. She'll make friends and have fun and learn lots. Right? Right, I know. Except what if she doesn't, she isn't and she doesn't? How do I look her in the face and tell her to "buck up, little camper"? It certainly didn't help me when that's what I was told, if I even dared to tell anyone about it at all when I was tormented as a child. I won't ignore or dismiss her fears and concerns if they should arise, but me going in with guns blazing at the first sign of trouble won't help her either - then she'll be labeled "mommy's baby".

    Kids suck.

    Everyone else's, not mine.

    Well, not yours either. Actually, I just mean those fucking little brats that my angel has to be stuck in the same room with all year long.

    And if you're one of those fucksticks who made fun of other kids and teased people back in school, then you suck, too. Asshats like you are who give people like me anxiety when they approach days like this. You fuckers owe me some money for therapy to work through this shit.

    So I'm crossing fingers that she is nothing like I was in school, that she is well-liked, has good classmates and good teachers, and that no one has to go to jail over name-calling and hair-pulling. I'll keep you posted.

    2 comments:

    Jill said...

    I can't even imagine how scary this must be for you. I hope everything turns out perfectly for your little angel!

    herself75 said...

    The wonderful thing about pre-schoolers is how accepting they are. They have not yet learned to not like someone because they are different or "odd".

    Besides, if anyone picks on her, I bet she'll kick them square in the box! like mother - like daughter!